Why Get Legally Married?
Comment From a Holiness.com Visitor:
My comment is…I really need to know Some information about a question that concerns me that my pastor or regional church head cannot answer for me. What is the basis and meaning of marriage in the bible I mean point blank scripture. My take is based on the verses that state man or woman will leave their parents and join as one (creating a child) and that neither should seperate. I have lived with the same person for 19 years in this time period there has been no outside relationships and mostly harmony, we have a 9yr old daughter and an 11 year old son.
I have been saved since 13 and belive point blank in the bible word for word and not in twisted interpations of what its suppose to mean but rather in what it says. I have yet to see where it says to be married you have to be united by the state or by a pastor. None yet has shown me this in the bible or even the wedding vows in the bible. And I see people such as King Solomon [w]ho has a whole book in the bible has several wifes and [concubines]. NO I do not [w]ant this. [M]y point is I truly belive I am serving the lord and not living in sin. Just because we do not have this piece of paper. We belive we met were joined together and are married in the eyes of the lord. Because we have joined together as one under God Beliving he has put us together. And look at marriage [certificates] as a way of people who are immoral being forced to stay together or try to work out problems before divorce.
This is a deeply trobling point to me because We have prayed throughout the years
asking the Lord to make us feel gulity or wrong in this But never once have We felt this. But yet have even felt stronger that we were brought together by the lord. I do not want my children or Us going to hell because of this one thorn in are side yet we are being ostersized and told we are and we cannot be true belivers because of this. I am not saying marriage is not needed by no means But I need a direct discription of marriage layed out in the bible not the lame oh you are to obey the laws of the land. This is a hide behind scripture a cover all so to speak when I ask for Gods discription of the word marriage or to be married in the bible.
thanks for any reply you can give me
HOLINESS.COM COMMENTS:
Dear Friend,
You raise some very profound and interesting questions. I will attempt to answer your very serious questions as thoroughly as I can. As you request, I will give scriptures from the Holy Bible in providing a reply to your comments. And, I will attempt to comply with your request for straightforward “no twisting the scriptures,” type answers.
In the spirit of being straightforward, let me be candid in saying that I don’t see in your comments defendable scriptural arguments/explanations that justify your not going through the marriage process prior to calling your relationship a marriage. Are you saying that you just don’t feel like getting married by accepted processes because you simply don’t wanna do it? In any case, I will endeavor to provide some comments.
In discussing your comments about relationships and fathering children, and joining together as one flesh, I think it is important for me to first start with a definition:
FORNICATION:
Fornication is simply defined as an instance where people engage in sexual activity with each other when they are not legitimately husband and wife.
This definition should be consistent with any large, unabridged dictionary you might possess at home, or work; more importantly, this is what the Bible is addressing in 1 Corinthians 6:18, and declares it not only to be a sin, but a sin against one’s very body (e.g. since you are taking your body and interacting with another person’s body sexually, outside of marriage).
1 Corinthians 6:18
18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
FORNICATOR:
A fornicator is a person who has engaged in fornication.
The Bible indicates that one who is a fornicator shall not inherit the kingdom of God (See 1Corinthians 6:9 below).
1 Corinthians 6:9-10
9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,
10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.
Indeed, if a person does not inherit the kingdom of God, the only other eternal destination is eternal punishment and torment. However, if a person asks God to forgive him/her of all his/her sin (even fornication) and the person forsakes his/her sinful living, God is willing to forgive and cleanse that person, and make him/her part of His kingdom.
1 Corinthians 6:10-11
10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.
11 And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.
Again, since you earnestly asked for straight answers, let me clarify a verse I think you quoted as part of your line of reasoning:
In the beginning of your comments you said the following:
“My take is based on the verses that state man or woman will leave their parents and join as one (creating a child) and that neither should seperate”
If your intent was to quote Matthew 19:5, it appears that you have made a significant alteration to the verse thus changing the full meaning. The actual verse reads as follows:
“And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?”
The joining, or uniting (or whatever similar term you prefer) is supposed to be done by a husband and a wife (i.e. not just any man and woman); observe that the actual verse uses the term wife to denote that the man and woman cleaving to each other are married. And, the key issue I believe you are raising is whether the Bible has information regarding the process by which a man and woman become husband and wife, or whether it is acceptable for a man and a woman to move in together, start having sex and children, and say that this by default means they are married.
Before we go further in discussing the process by which a man and woman become husband and wife, let me impress upon you that two single people may join together as one within the bonds of marriage even if they are past the age of being able to “create a child.” This fact is dealt with quite well in the book Holiness.com Dating Survival Guide. In any case, let me at least give you one brief Bible verse below on the subject:
1 Corinthians 7:36
36 But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry.
A woman who passes the flower of age indicates someone who is “getting along in age.”
Also, in the fifth chapter of First Timothy, in the discussion regarding widows and marriage, the Apostle Paul alludes to the fact that widows, even those past usual child bearing age (remember: threescore is 60 years old), do not have to restrict themselves from marrying again.
HOW DID PEOPLE IN THE BIBLE INITIATE AND AUTHENTICATE THEIR MARRIAGE?
I don’t want to get hung up on whether a bride wears a long flowing expensive wedding gown, or whether a man wears a tuxedo, top hat, and tails; however, from Old Testament Patriarchs to New Testament Bible personalities, the normative behavior was to join a couple together in marriage by a formal process.
The Lord Jesus actually sanctioned marriage weddings. Early in the earthly ministry of Christ, we see him not only attending a marriage wedding (i.e., in Cana of Galilee), but Jesus actually helps with the accommodations by performing a miracle that helps make the wedding a big success. This miracle is known by many as the “Turning of water into wine;”
[Note: in the Bible, everything from freshly squeezed juice to highly alcoholic fermented juices were called “wine.” So, you should not deduce that Jesus was getting the people sloppy drunk simply because the Bible used the term “wine.”]
John 2:1-11
2:1 And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there:
2 And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage.
3 And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine.
4 Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come.
5 His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it.
6 And there were set there six waterpots of stone, after the manner of the purifying of the Jews, containing two or three firkins apiece.
7 Jesus saith unto them, Fill the waterpots with water. And they filled them up to the brim.
8 And he saith unto them, Draw out now, and bear unto the governor of the feast. And they bare it.
9 When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was: (but the servants which drew the water knew;) the governor of the feast called the bridegroom,
10 And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: but thou hast kept the good wine until now.
11 This beginning of miracles did Jesus in Cana of Galilee, and manifested forth his glory; and his disciples believed on him.
Jesus Christ not only attended weddings, but went much further in showing his blessing and favor on weddings by using the wedding to symbolize the spiritual act of someone accepting Christ’s invitation to receive salvation and join his kingdom.
Matthew 22:1-14
22:1 And Jesus answered and spake unto them again by parables, and said,
2 The kingdom of heaven is like unto a certain king, which made a marriage for his son,
3 And sent forth his servants to call them that were bidden to the wedding: and they would not come.
4 Again, he sent forth other servants, saying, Tell them which are bidden, Behold, I have prepared my dinner: my oxen and my fatlings are killed, and all things are ready: come unto the marriage.
5 But they made light of it, and went their ways, one to his farm, another to his merchandise:
6 And the remnant took his servants, and entreated them spitefully, and slew them.
7 But when the king heard thereof, he was wroth: and he sent forth his armies, and destroyed those murderers, and burned up their city.
8 Then saith he to his servants, The wedding is ready, but they which were bidden were not worthy.
9 Go ye therefore into the highways, and as many as ye shall find, bid to the marriage.
10 So those servants went out into the highways, and gathered together all as many as they found, both bad and good: and the wedding was furnished with guests.
11 And when the king came in to see the guests, he saw there a man which had not on a wedding garment:
12 And he saith unto him, Friend, how camest thou in hither not having a wedding garment? And he was speechless.
13 Then said the king to the servants, Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast him into outer darkness; there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.
14 For many are called, but few are chosen.
Even further, Christ’s sanctions the dignity of the ceremony of a wedding by calling himself a bridegroom, to make a spiritual point.
Matthew 9:14-15
14 Then came to him the disciples of John, saying, Why do we and the Pharisees fast oft, but thy disciples fast not?
15 And Jesus said unto them, Can the children of the bridechamber mourn, as long as the bridegroom is with them? but the days will come, when the bridegroom shall be taken from them, and then shall they fast.
There was a custom among the Jews that the official solemnizing of a marriage would sometimes include a practice where the bridegroom would march to the bride’s house late at night accompanied by friends. The bride, who expected the bridegroom, would wait for him with her bridesmaids; when the bridesmaids were notified that the bridegroom was near, they would go out with their lamps to formally escort the groom to the bride’s home with great joy and celebration.
In the book of Matthew, we see Jesus showing how this formal marriage procession illustrates his return.
Matthew 25:1-13
25:1 Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom.
2 And five of them were wise, and five were foolish.
3 They that were foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them:
4 But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps.
5 While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept.
6 And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him.
7 Then all those virgins arose, and trimmed their lamps.
8 And the foolish said unto the wise, Give us of your oil; for our lamps are gone out.
9 But the wise answered, saying, Not so; lest there be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves.
10 And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut.
11 Afterward came also the other virgins, saying, Lord, Lord, open to us.
12 But he answered and said, Verily I say unto you, I know you not.
13 Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh.
In the book of Revelation (21:1-2), when God revealed to the Apostle John the new heaven and new earth, John recorded that he saw the new Jerusalem coming down from God prepared as beautifully as a bride at her wedding:
Revelation 21:1-2
21:1 And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.
2 And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.
HAVING “GOOD SEX” DOES NOT MAKE TWO PEOPLE MARRIED:
When two unmarried single people join/unite sexually (no matter how enjoyable the sex is) that does not of itself make the two people married; what I am saying here is easily demonstrated by looking closely at 1 Corinthians 6:16.
1 Corinthians 6:16-18
16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.
17 But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.
18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
Indeed, this scripture is saying when one has sex with a prostitute that a person is joining/uniting with the prostitute; but at the same time, the Bible is not saying this uniting of man and woman is blessed by God. This instance of uniting between man and woman is a sin; it is fornication because the two have not married each other, regardless of how pleasurable the sex experience was for either person.
However, the prostitute and her patron can come to God in repentance and forsake all their sins. And, if these two decide to actually get married, the beautiful act of sex that transpires after they get married is smiled upon and blessed by God. Despite the fact that we’re talking about the same two people, the sex they had before marriage is sinful, and the sex they have after marriage is not. Sex that occurs after the marriage is honorable and the marriage bed is a pure and holy pleasure.
Hebrews 13:4
4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
Having sex and even conceiving a child does not mean two people are married.
In the book of Genesis, Israel’s son Judah thought Tamar to be a harlot. He desired to have sex with her, which he did. A child was conceived; however, I have not found yet where this by default meant that they were in a state of marriage.
Genesis 38:15-26
15 When Judah saw her, he thought her to be an harlot; because she had covered her face.
16 And he turned unto her by the way, and said, Go to, I pray thee, let me come in unto thee; (for he knew not that she was his daughter in law.) And she said, What wilt thou give me, that thou mayest come in unto me?
17 And he said, I will send thee a kid from the flock. And she said, Wilt thou give me a pledge, till thou send it?
18 And he said, What pledge shall I give thee? And she said, Thy signet, and thy bracelets, and thy staff that is in thine hand. And he gave it her, and came in unto her, and she conceived by him.
19 And she arose, and went away, and laid by her vail from her, and put on the garments of her widowhood.
20 And Judah sent the kid by the hand of his friend the Adullamite, to receive his pledge from the woman’s hand: but he found her not.
21 Then he asked the men of that place, saying, Where is the harlot, that was openly by the way side? And they said, There was no harlot in this place.
22 And he returned to Judah, and said, I cannot find her; and also the men of the place said, that there was no harlot in this place.
23 And Judah said, Let her take it to her, lest we be shamed: behold, I sent this kid, and thou hast not found her.
24 And it came to pass about three months after, that it was told Judah, saying, Tamar thy daughter in law hath played the harlot; and also, behold, she is with child by whoredom. And Judah said, Bring her forth, and let her be burnt.
25 When she was brought forth, she sent to her father in law, saying, By the man, whose these are, am I with child: and she said, Discern, I pray thee, whose are these, the signet, and bracelets, and staff.
26 And Judah acknowledged them, and said, She hath been more righteous than I; because that I gave her not to Shelah my son. And he knew her again no more.
I found something interesting in looking at some of the instructions that the Children of Israel were given concerning marriage. It appears that in the instructions they received in the book of Exodus that it was not acceptable for a man to have sex with a woman and for the two to just consider having sex, in and of itself, sufficient reason to claim that they are married in God’s eyes.
Exodus 22:16-17
16 And if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed, and lie with her, he shall surely endow her to be his wife.
17 If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins.
In reviewing the instances in the Holy Bible where it describes how particular men and women established themselves to be husband and wife, I see some common elements.
Whether we are talking about the Old Testament, or the New Testament, key common elements I observed of individuals who come together as man and wife are as follows.
A.) Publicizing the Marriage
In the Bible, the process of coming together in matrimony included declaration or some type of formal communication made in the community regarding the marriage union.
Review the scriptures earlier in this article and it will become apparent, if not so already, that at least family, and maybe friends, or even the whole town were officially notified that a marriage union was going to take place.
For example:
John 2:1-2
2:1 And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there:
2 And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage.
See, in verse 2 Jesus and his disciples, and obviously others who were part of the community, had been made aware of the bride and groom who were planning to unite.
I’m not saying that there is a specific number of family members, or friends, and others in your community that have to be notified of your impending union. However, I am very suspicious of anyone having a secret wedding known only to the two (bride and groom).
In the cases where I have heard of a secret wedding, the results have turned out to be disastrous.
For example, I heard of one multimillionaire who had tried to seduce a beautiful young lady to have sex with him. The extremely wealthy man got the woman to go out on his yacht with him. The lustful rich man then told the young lady that he had the power to perform a wedding as captain of his boat. The lustful rich man then performed some sort of quick secret marriage ceremony and convinced the young lady to get into bed with him and have sex.
When the rich man died, he was at least worth tens (possibly hundreds) of millions of dollars. Sad to say, due to the young lady falling for the secret marriage ceremony, the community at large (i.e., the legal system) had nothing to substantiate the marriage as being real, and the family was not required to acknowledge it and did not give the woman a single red cent as I recall from the lady’s own testimony.
B.) Unambiguous Wedding Process
The solemnizing was based on some formal process that was unambiguous and easily discernable by the community that a marriage had been entered into. When the process was completed, it was clear to all that a marriage union had taken place.
We now have many people in some sort of quasi-pseudo marriage where the man and woman set up house and carry on as if they are married; they may even have some sort of public expression of their love and commitment to each other. However, when the relationship goes awry, we often have the more financially well-off person trying to kick the other person out of the home and claiming he/she bears no responsibility for the other person (e.g., financial support in the form of alimony) because they were never really properly married. However, the less financially well-off person will claim they were carrying on like married people and will sue for palimony (alimony for people who break up who were not willing to commit their lives together by properly solemnizing their relationship in a marriage process that is complete according legal standards of the community)
I was just reading about some palimony cases. One involved a woman who went through some sort of public proclamation of her love relationship with a man. The man and woman lived together for several years while the woman cooked and cleaned for the man, working hard to maintain the home. This woman even worked hard helping the man increase the wealth of his business. Now, obviously, since the woman was not receiving a salary for her work in the business, it seems obvious she thought she was operating in a status as a wife and part owner of the business.
Well, after years of playing like they were married, the man kicked the woman out of the house wearing only her bed clothes. The woman sought the courts to grant her a divorce and the rights that courts usually provide to wives. The judge refused to grant a divorce because they had never followed the accepted unambiguous process to establish a real marriage. So, the woman was told to try to sue for palimony. This is very sad; but, we have seen more of this type of thing spring up as people try to be married without actually following the formal process of getting married. The devaluing of getting married by couples who say they love each other only serves to weaken the strength of the family.
I would imagine that most of us pay the garbage man more money to collect our garbage than the fee it would cost to get a marriage license. Are we saying that we cannot afford a marriage license? Does the garbage take higher priority than our relationship with our beloved?
I think we actually have it relatively easy in modern western civilization as compared to some ancient cultures. In some ancient cultures getting married is a much more expensive process. Look at the dowry that Jacob agreed to give Laban for the privilege to marry Rachel. Jacob served Laban and worked for him for seven years for Rachel’s hand in marriage.
Genesis 29:18
18 And Jacob loved Rachel; and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel thy younger daughter.
Understand that Jacob loved Rachel dearly and felt it was God’s will for them to be together; Rachel’s father Laban had even promised Rachel’s hand in marriage to Jacob.
Yet, just because Jacob has met Rachel and feels that she is the one to be his wife, he does not presume that they are married until they formally get married years later.
After Jacob serves Laban seven years in order to receive Rachel’s hand in marriage, Laban made a big wedding feast and tricks Jacob into marrying Rachel’s older sister, Leah. Jacob is furious when he realizes what has happened. Laban forces Jacob to agree to continue working for him, and promises to let him wed Rachel after Jacob and Leah’s bridal week has been fulfilled:
Genesis 29:25-28
25 And it came to pass, that in the morning, behold, it was Leah: and he said to Laban, What is this thou hast done unto me? did not I serve with thee for Rachel? wherefore then hast thou beguiled me?
26 And Laban said, It must not be so done in our country, to give the younger before the firstborn.
27 Fulfil her week, and we will give thee this also for the service which thou shalt serve with me yet seven other years.
28 And Jacob did so, and fulfilled her week: and he gave him Rachel his daughter to wife also.
It is quite apparent that Jacob had multiple wives at the same time. Although God did not prevent this from taking place in the Old Testament (God even blessed all of Jacob’s children by the four different women), we see that the multiple wives caused quite a bit of turmoil in the home in their competing with one another for Jacob’s love. Read Genesis from chapter 29 all the way through chapter 50, and you will see the competition between the wives and also the bitterness among the children (i.e., most of the brothers hated Joseph who was the first son of the favorite wife, Rachel).
Christ brings us back to and affirms God’s ultimate plan (Matthew 19:5) of one man wedding one wife for life. You don’t have this competition, and confusion among wives that was in Jacob’s house when you marry one person.
And, as you indicated, King Solomon had multiple wives. Actually, he had many wives:
1 Kings 11:1-3
11:1 But king Solomon loved many strange women, together with the daughter of Pharaoh, women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Zidonians, and Hittites;
2 Of the nations concerning which the LORD said unto the children of Israel, Ye shall not go in to them, neither shall they come in unto you: for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods: Solomon clave unto these in love.
3 And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart.
And, these many pagan wives actually caused King Solomon to fall away from God and support idolatry.
Christ has made plain the truth about God wanting us to marry one person for life; and, if we say we love Christ, we will obey everything he wants us to do; Christ said in
John 14:15
15 If ye love me, keep my commandments.
There are many things that the Old Testament patriarchs were not clear on, or fell short of, which God chose to affirm and clarify by his Spirit in the New Testament writings. Those of us living right now are held accountable to all the truth that God has revealed in the completed Bible.
You have men like Samson in the book of Judges who God anointed with great strength to bring deliverance to Israel; yet Samson spent the night with a harlot (a prostitute).
Judges 16:1-3a
16:1 Then went Samson to Gaza, and saw there an harlot, and went in unto her.
2 And it was told the Gazites, saying, Samson is come hither. And they compassed him in, and laid wait for him all night in the gate of the city, and were quiet all the night, saying, In the morning, when it is day, we shall kill him.
3 And Samson lay till midnight…
Are we to say that we are to sleep with prostitutes, when God has made it quite clear in these New Testament times that Christians should not do such things (1 Corinthians 6:16-18)? Every true Christian wants to pattern his/her life after the Bible and wants to live according to the new nature that Christ has placed in every believer. Every believer who desires to be baptized with the Holy Spirit need only ask God for the infilling that will facilitate our pleasing God every day. You must understand that under Old Testament law, the average Israelite did not have available to them what the average person has available since Christ has come.
Romans 8:1-4
8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.
3 For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh:
4 That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
Let me recommend that you study the 8th , 9th, and 10th chapters of the book of Hebrews; this can also provide some insight into the comparison of folks living under the Old Testament versus those of us living since Christ has come, died and rose again.
C.) Person(s) involved in the wedding process included those recognized by the community as having the official capacity to certify the marriage. As we see above from the history of Jacob and Rachel, the patriarch of the family was important in this certification. Today, even in what we call modern cultures, we still have recognized officials who officiate in the marriage process (ministers, judges/magistrates, captains of certain vessels).
In the case where Abraham’s trusted servant was sent to find a wife for Abraham’s son Isaac, the servant was sent to the country Abraham formerly resided in. When the servant found a suitable wife, it was not just a matter of the servant finding out if the beautiful damsel Rebekah was willing to slip off in the night to go move in with Isaac. Abraham’s servant first had to perform proper custom for a bride. It is most likely that Rebekah’s father was dead as the bride’s dowry, customarily given to the father of the bride being married, was given to her brother and mother:
Genesis 24:51-60
51 Behold, Rebekah is before thee, take her, and go, and let her be thy master’s son’s wife, as the LORD hath spoken.
52 And it came to pass, that, when Abraham’s servant heard their words, he worshipped the LORD, bowing himself to the earth.
53 And the servant brought forth jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment, and gave them to Rebekah: he gave also to her brother and to her mother precious things.
54 And they did eat and drink, he and the men that were with him, and tarried all night; and they rose up in the morning, and he said, Send me away unto my master.
55 And her brother and her mother said, Let the damsel abide with us a few days, at the least ten; after that she shall go.
56 And he said unto them, Hinder me not, seeing the LORD hath prospered my way; send me away that I may go to my master.
57 And they said, We will call the damsel, and inquire at her mouth.
58 And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go.
59 And they sent away Rebekah their sister, and her nurse, and Abraham’s servant, and his men.
60 And they blessed Rebekah, and said unto her, Thou art our sister, be thou the mother of thousands of millions, and let thy seed possess the gate of those which hate them.
So, you see, it was not just a matter of Rebekah making a decision to move in with Isaac, but we have the trusted servant who represented Abraham, the patriarchal figure, officially acting on Abraham and Isaac’s behalf. The servant legally represents Abraham and Isaac and witnesses the agreement concerning Rebekah becoming the wife of Isaac. Not only is Rebekah willing to go, but Rebekah’s brother approves and is legal witness to the agreement.
Don’t be confused, such arrangements made in this manner during the days of Abraham, with patriarchal representatives as those above, were formal and they held the utmost legal weight in the community.
D.) There were legal consequences to marriage.
Romans 7:2
2 For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.
Now, I know we have sinners who don’t profess to know God marrying and divorcing at the drop of a hat, for any and all causes (and no cause at all), but this is not to be so among those who claim to know God.
Matthew 19:8-9
8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
Again, marriage was not just something secret and private between the husband and wife. For example, in the Old Testament, the legal authorities might sentence one to death for having broken the marriage vows.
John 8:1-11
8:1 Jesus went unto the mount of Olives.
2 And early in the morning he came again into the temple, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them.
3 And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,
4 They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.
5 Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?
6 This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.
7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.
8 And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.
9 And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.
10 When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?
11 She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.
Even today, where the people of God don’t kill adulterers, adultery might still cause the faithful spouse to go through the legal process of divorcing the adulterer.
In the Bible (See Deuteronomy 24:1; Matthew 5:31), divorcement included a formal legal process; so why would we think marriage does not include some sort of formal legal process (e.g., getting a marriage license)?
E.) There are spiritual consequences to marriage (We have sufficient warning regarding the danger of marrying someone who is an unbeliever).
An unmarried believer is required not to pursue any sort of dating and/or courtship commitment with an unbeliever as this too tightly yokes the Christian with the ungodly in an emotionally and spiritually dangerous manner. The Bible is emphatically against Christians doing things that will yoke them with unbelievers.
2 Corinthians 6:14-18
14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you,
18 And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.
If a person dates and/or courts someone who is not a true Christian, it is likely that this person will be influenced to do things that have negative spiritual impacts. And, the person might even be tempted to marry the unbeliever despite the fact that a Christian who is free to wed should only marry “in the Lord” (i.e., only marry another Christian):
1 Corinthians 7:39
39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.
Actually, you may even want to read the entire seventh chapter of 1st Corinthians as there is some important instructions regarding marriage, especially the part relevant to two sinners who get married and later one of them becomes a Christian.
F.) There are community implications to marriage. For example, your spiritual community (i.e., your local church) has the God Given power to judge you if you do not adhere to biblical marriage (e.g., husband of one wife).
Despite the false belief that it is nobody’s business how one carries on as regards marriage, the Bible actually gives the church the power to judge and even sanction anyone that is part of a local fellowship who behaves in a manner inconsistent with biblical principles of marriage.
Let me give you at least a couple scripture passages below.
First, the man who was having sex with his father’s wife:
1 Corinthians 5
5:1 It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father’s wife.
2 And ye are puffed up, and have not rather mourned, that he that hath done this deed might be taken away from among you.
3 For I verily, as absent in body, but present in spirit, have judged already, as though I were present, concerning him that hath so done this deed,
4 In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when ye are gathered together, and my spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ,
5 To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.
6 Your glorying is not good. Know ye not that a little leaven leaveneth the whole lump?
7 Purge out therefore the old leaven, that ye may be a new lump, as ye are unleavened. For even Christ our passover is sacrificed for us:
8 Therefore let us keep the feast, not with old leaven, neither with the leaven of malice and wickedness; but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.
9 I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators:
10 Yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then must ye needs go out of the world.
11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.
12 For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within?
13 But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.
This man who is in an adulterous relationship with what many believe to be his stepmother (“his father’s wife”), according to Apostle Paul, is supposed to be judged for his adulterous relationship and the man is supposed to be reprimanded (e.g., removed from church position and separated from the congregation).
It is all too common in some church circles where pastors’ will marry one woman; get bored with her and divorce her; then marry some other woman. Despite what the ungodly do, the Bible does not allow Christians to divorce someone (for every cause) and remarry someone else.
When a man does not maintain proper biblical conduct in his marriage, he should be viewed as unsuitable for leadership positions within his church community:
1 Timothy 3:2-5
2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;
3 Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous;
4 One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;
5(For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)
So, If I have not said it enough times, getting married is not some secret thing that is nobody else’s business; it’s not some thing where the man and woman can do just any old thing (like just move in together and start having sex) and say they are properly joined in holy matrimony. Should we make up any old wedding process (or no process at all), and disregard all of the processes formerly established by the law and by our church community which reflect the honor that the Bible puts on marriage, and weddings in particular? Well then, what’s the difference between the Christian church and those Hollywood celebrity types who just move in together and “shack up?”
And how is the local church family even supposed to hold its members accountable for proper biblical marriage practices, when it is not even clear who is just moving in with their sex partner (i.e., fornication), versus who is actually getting married? If they are both just moving in together in both instances, neither one looks like a marriage to the community and church family at large. Indeed, this creates a scandalous reputation for a Church person not to at least make the effort, for such a precious and beautiful thing as marriage, to at least abide by the minimum formality to legally be bound as husband and wife.
Are we showing the unbelieving world the way to holy living when we play “fast and loose” with the principles of the Bible? One case of church scandal brought to Holiness.com by a sinner who was concerned and confused had to do with a “church man” who was dating the sinner’s relative. The sinner was disturbed by the fact that the “church man” and her relative were living together, sleeping in the bed together (with their clothes off). The church man professed himself to be a Christian in the midst of this scandalous situation. The man and the woman (who did not profess Christianity by the way), were saying that it was okay for them to sleep together naked as long as they did not have sex.
Some might come up with the absurd conjecture that there is not a scripture that says exactly: “it is wrong for a man of the church and a woman, who are not married, to move in together or to get naked and get into the bed together while not having sex.” There is no such scripture that says exactly those words; but, if we are obedient to the message of the Bible, we know from the scriptures earlier that fornication is wrong. We also know that not even Jesus Christ himself would allow Satan to trick him into taking foolish risks, in order to prove whether the Father would keep him safe from harm.
Matthew 4:5-7
5 Then the devil taketh him up into the holy city, and setteth him on a pinnacle of the temple,
6 And saith unto him, If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down: for it is written, He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone.
7 Jesus said unto him, It is written again, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.
I would declare to you that this man in the case above with his clothes off in the bed with a naked woman he is not married to is not listening to God’s Holy Word; but, that he is rather listening to the devil and is letting the dark forces of Satan direct his actions.
CONCLUSION
As shown in the scriptures cited earlier, marriage is an illustration of our relationship to Christ. As the creator of marriage, God has such a high regard for marriage that God has used it as the prototypical circumstance to establish the family as recorded as far back as the book of Genesis. As a foundation for a stable family, marriages that honor biblical principles provide the foundation for a strong community. Wedding vows and marriage processes established by communities and legal governmental authorities that reinforce the seriousness of marriage and represent the biblical elements of marriage discussed above should not be scoffed at nor unceremoniously tossed aside. If these processes are all thrown aside, you attempt to get married without regarding the basic elements shown in the wedding processes in the Bible.
Once having dumped all such processes which have precedents established in Old and New Testament scripture, you end up with cohabitation similar to what was typical among some hippie groups (who were often known for their revolt against reasonable societal standards). You end up with children who don’t see their father and mother valuing marriage enough to formally enter into marriage. There is no celebration marking the joy of the union; there is no ceremony as a reminder and symbol of the sacredness of the covenant between the groom and his bride; there is no legal paper trail documenting the marriage at city hall (or other appropriate town records depository). And, there will be no wonder why children raised in such circumstance grow up into adults who don’t see marriage as a sacred and beautiful illustration of Christ’s tender love for his Church (the collection of all Christians):
Ephesians 5:25
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
EPILOGUE:
Are you saying anyone who reaches puberty should just move in with the person they think that God wants them to be with the rest of their lives, without talking it over with their parents, pastor, or other mentor?
If I understand what you are saying, anyone who is single who finds another person that they fall in love with can just simply move in together, start having sex, and forget about the subject of formally getting married? As long as the two people feel like they are married in their hearts?
There are so many problems with this, I don’t even know where to begin. One of the key things of knowing how to handle your affairs if you ever become suddenly ill, or worse yet, you die (which is something many of us will do), has to do with determining your legal marital status. Can you imagine a wife trying to wrap up her husband’s business dealings, yet she doesn’t even have a marriage license to prove that she is the legitimate wife; have you ever had to deal with probate court? I have, on multiple occasions. You don’t even want to think about sending a spouse, who is your spouse in your mind only, to deal with the ugly process of dealing with your estate when you’re dead, no matter how little material possessions you have. And guess what, if some distant relative of yours “gets the devil in them” and wants to challenge the rights and privileges the mother of your children might take in planning your funeral and handling your affairs (who in her mind thinks she is your wife), she might have a messy and expensive legal fight that could have easily and much, much, much more inexpensively been handled if you had cared enough to protect her and your children by getting a marriage license and at least spending 5 minutes to go before a preacher, or judge and a couple witnesses.
What if everyone in the churches around the world follow your lead and stop getting legally married? Guess what, unfortunately, there are people who have fornicated before the point they professed a relationship with Jesus Christ. So, imagine you die, and all the people you have ever fornicated with showing up at the funeral demanding a piece of your estate. How can your wife legitimately say that she is the only “legal” wife, based on the fact that you had sex and she feels married in her heart? This sounds like a probate nightmare to me.
Further, your witness to the unsaved world is indeed spoiled because they don’t want to hear you tell them not to fornicate, when it appears to them that you are fornicating.
How can you tell what is fornication and what is not if a person simply moves in with their lover and has sex just with that person, but does not really marry them?
Most employers will not allow someone who you say you are married to in your heart to enjoy the many benefits that come to spouses (i.e., medical coverage, dental coverage, vision, life insurance, pension), unless you are married for real; I mean by formal solemnization of your marriage legally.
You may even be risking social security benefits that might eventually become accessible to the mother of your children, should mishap befall you.
If you don’t believe it is necessary to officially and formally record your decision to enter into marriage with a woman, I am wondering what you do in the instance of other transactions; for example, when you buy a piece of property (or a home) from a person you feel is trustworthy (a friend or neighbor) do you simply let the deal be between you and the original owner? Or, do you formally record the transfer of ownership with the community officials responsible for recording property ownership in your city/county, filling out the forms paying the fees, and obtaining whatever notarized witnesses as per the locale of your area? If we would follow some process (although somewhat cumbersome) to establish ownership of a piece of property, how much more should we be willing to do this to establish legitimacy of a marriage seeing that securing a husband or wife is much more significant than a plot of dirt?
According to your theory (please correct me if I have misunderstood), it sounds like, when your son or daughter passes puberty (i.e., they reach their teenage years), you are fine with them just moving in with some man or woman whom they think they are meant to start a family with; if I follow your reasoning, they don’t even need to formally give the community, their family, nor their parents advance notice and the opportunity to formally acknowledge the union; They simply can move in with some single person of the opposite sex and privately declare to each other that they feel married in their hearts and start having sex? Is this really what you are proposing? God forbid.
Your friend in Christ,
Just A Brother